Illustration: Jim Pavlidis5 THINGS WE THOUGHT OF … WHILE WAITING FOR THE JUDGE
1. Well, at least everyone’s getting on just fine. Nobody agrees with a single thing anybody else says, but they’re getting along a treat, thanks for asking.
2. People say the Hirds have been stubborn and foolish, but as Herald Sun readers could tell you, Tania wore a lovely coat to court the other morning that was both fashionable and a practical garment to combat Melbourne’s winter chill. Very sensible indeed.
3. Of the following possible 2015 MCG fixtures, which is likely to feature the least number of goals?
a) Manchester United v Barcelona
b) Real Madrid v Chelsea
c) Melbourne v GWS
4. And to the five or six Fremantle fans who haven’t emailed or tweeted to say Steve Johnson obviously hurt his foot on Lachie Neale’s head, it’s his other foot.
5. Once again, at the end of another busy week, we pause to quietly give thanks that from changeroom to boardroom, to courtroom, to media workroom, the game is clearly on drugs.
ARMCHAIR FOOTY BINGO
Were you relieved to hear that, having paid millions to get him, Carlton is pleased Dale Thomas has been getting a kick lately in a team that’s going to finish 13th? Did you hear Mick say the Blues had “crossed the Rubicon” and wonder if Mitch Robinson figured that’s just one more nightclub he isn’t allowed in? Stop kicking Carlton and have a game of Armchair Footy Bingo! Rack up more points than there are teams Jonathon Patton’s going to be linked to but never end up at, and you win!
This weekend’s targets:
– “Bombers boss wants end to drugs saga” beats “Sun comes up in morning, goes down at night” and “Joe Hockey is a clown” as most bleeding obvious headline of the year – No shit, Sherlock points.
– Richmond fans are swiftly disabused of the consolation that playing a “mini-final” against Adelaide counts as having made the finals – Not even if you say it fast points.
– Ross Lyon’s vow that the Dockers would “like to get a scalp” against Hawthorn leaves Sam Mitchell wearing a deeply concerned look at the first bounce when Ryan Crowley picks him up armed with a tomahawk – Give him an inch points.
– The Essendon-West Coast clash ends in farce when the Bombers appeal a free kick for a push in the back to a full bench of the Federal Court – It’s never over points.
SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
Six steps from Joe Hockey to Paul Roos.
1. Joe Hockey is the Treasurer of our great country and maybe that’s who Hirdy meant when he said there’d been a lot of silly things said in the paper and there’s been sad things too, but we tend to gloss over people killing each other en masse to wail over the death of …
2. Robin Williams, who was Mork from Ork long before he was the teacher who liked dead poets or Mrs Doubtfire or Aladdin’s Genie or the voice of a penguin, but now he’s gone and that’s a Shazbot shame because goodness knows we could use a laugh just ask …
3. Mark Thompson, who’s the coach of Essendon just at the minute and he’s been chuckling away all year and then last week he said his players needed to know when to get serious, which sounds like the sort of mixed message that had everyone on the wrong bus about …
4. Chris Judd, who isn’t finished after all, which is great news for footy fans and makers of shoulder strapping and he’ll face tougher opposition than Gold Coast minus Gary but he’s still a player we’ll never forget, which happened a bit this week in the testimony of …
5. Aurora Andruska, who’s welcome in the sports pages on name alone and we’d be happy to see “In – Aurora, out – Jarryd/Jared/Jarrod/Jarrad”, but we’re getting sidetracked and if you spend so much time talking about stuff that happened in the past you’ll sound like …
6. Paul Roos, who used to coach the premiers but now he coaches blokes who can’t kick or handball, but he’s going to hang in there trying to do something with a poor team with little drive, as distinct from poor people who drive little, like the ones referred to by Joe Hockey.
Another serve of a different version of the truth from the bloke who’s looking forward to a couple of hours on the terraces at Denis Arm Field in Preston on Saturday arvo:
“Let me just say, any contract talk that gets put on hold until the end of the season is not going to be good for one of the parties concerned and screams of someone having something to hide. A little bit like going to court because you didn’t like the outcome of your confession, really.”
This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.